BACK TO SCHOOL

By: Rochel Burstyn

Courtesy of the Binyan magazine

Some kids enjoy the routine of school, even if they don’t like certain things, such as homework and tests. Other kids dread school, and with good reason. Some have disabilities that make school really difficult. Today we’re meeting Reva M., who, despite her learning disabilities, attended the local frum day school in her area. Let’s hear about her experiences.

HI, Reva. Please tell us about your challenges.

Nowadays there are specific names for different types of learning disabilities, but back when I was in school, I was just given the general label of “learning disabled.” That meant that learning that comes easy to most other people was a real challenge for me. I was also speech delayed. Most kids start talking around age one, but my parents told me I didn’t say a single word until age three. The good news is that once I started talking, I didn’t stop!

I also had a severe lisp when I was young. I had trouble with sounds like sh, ch, th, and more.

What kind of support did you need?

I remember attending speech therapy with another girl who also needed help. We were pulled out of class to attend speech. I have clear memories of the therapist putting her fingers on my cheeks and trying to push my lips forward as I was saying words.

Did you have any support in the classroom?

I had a – what do you call it? It’s called different things in different schools – a shadow, a para (short for para-educator) or an aide. Shira started working with me when I was in first grade. She was my personal assistant, and her job was to help me with my schoolwork. Shira was with me ever y day in the classroom, sitting beside me, working with me before and after hours, going over the modified material and explaining it in different ways until I understood it. Every year, she moved up with me to the next grade.

One year, I forget why, Shira wasn’t in the classroom with me. I remember thinking that the other aides were so mean, so impatient. One got so frustrated with my inability to grasp the material that she pinched me, hard!

I couldn’t stop crying. I went to the office and told the principal and that assistant was fired. I had a mark on my arm for a long time. By the next year, Shira was back! She was with me for the rest of my school years, until I graduated twelfth grade.

Even today, I am overwhelmed with gratitude toward Shira. It’s only because of her patience and perseverance that I am able to do important things like fill out applications, and other things that I really need to do in my life. Shira was and is amazing. We were together for so long while I was growing up that we’re still close today, even though we live far away. We see each other occasionally; my kids call her “the grandmother with red hair”!

Were your classmates understanding and helpful about your disabilities?

When we were younger, maybe till about sixth grade or so, my classmates were really mean to me. I retrospect, I believe that they thought I was getting a lot of extra attention for what they couldn’t see as any good reason. A lot of girls made fun of me. My skin still crawls at the memory of the time someone stuck a note on my back. One of the nicer girls pulled it off quickly, scrunched it up, and threw it out. I never found out what it said, but I still remember the laughter. Even though I never knew what was written on the note, it was very painful. Often, I came home from school crying.

Things started looking up in high school. For one, I guess as we all matured and grew up, girls were able to understand and were nicer to me as a result. Another good thing was that in high school we had a school-wide production, and I was able to make friends in other classes and focus on areas other than learning. I was in drama one year, singing another year. It was fun.

Do you have tips for kids who are dreading school this year because of their learning disabilities?

If you’re dreading school because the kids in your class aren’t being nice to you, one thing I learned was to try to notice one or two nice kids and focus on them. I know it’s easier said than done – when even one person is mean, it can ruin your whole day – but it can help to make even one really good friend. I used to invite some of the nicer girls over to my house often, to study or just for fun.

Once you graduated high school, what did you do?

I went to seminary, traveled a bit, and took some courses like sheitel care and early childhood education. I worked in a few preschools.

Then I got married and had kids, and now I’m a stay-at-home mom. People are always telling me that I’m an amazing mother and so great with my kids, with whom I’m very close.

How do your learning disabilities affect you today, now that you’re a mother?

Well, I’ll tell you the truth. I never really got the hang of math. And that’s something that comes up often in everyday life, but I have a sister who’s a math whiz. So whenever I find myself shopping the sales, I’ll call her and say, “How much is each pair of tights if it’s three for $12?” Or, “I’m doubling a cake recipe and it calls for ¾ cup of sugar. What’s that doubled?”

I always get good deals, my cooking is delicious, and my sister feels great because who doesn’t like helping people? I think Hashem knew what He was doing when he put a math whiz in my family!

Some of my kids have learning disabilities, too, and I know just how to handle it. I’m as patient with them as Shira was with me.

What do you wish people knew?

Sometimes I come across people who are so rude and so mean that I think they must have some kind of disability about how to be nice to people. I think everyone has strengths and weaknesses in different areas. I, for one, would rather have learning disabilities than unknowingly make people feel bad constantly.

In the grand scheme of things, I feel like I learned the important things in school – how to make and be a friend, how to listen, how to read and write…and who cares if my spelling is terrible?

Yes, it was a struggle, but it was vital for my life. I’m much more than my learning disabilities – everyone is – and I still have a meaningful and successful life even with them. Why not?