A Question of Forgiveness

Have you ever gotten "that look" from a stranger when your child was having a meltdown in aisle five of the grocery? Have you even been "dodged" by a friend to get together, have a play date or just talk on the phone? Have you ever received advice from a well meaning aunt about your child's behavior that felt like a slap in the face? While trying to understand the questions of "how" and "why" regarding a child's special need, parents and families of those with disabilities need to find a sense of balance, peace and forgiveness.

by Holly Olmsted-Hickey, One Place for Special Needs

http://www.oneplaceforspecialneeds.com/main/library_forgiveness.html

Forgive...Who?

You might be surprised that the first person to forgive is yourself. Try and rid your mind and heart of feelings of anger, disappointment or sadness. “You didn’t ask for this to happen in your life,” says clinical psychologist Aimee Koerner-Frank, PsyD. of Charlie’s Gift Autism Center in Downers Grove, Illinois. “Circumstances happen. Life happens.”

Dr. Koerner-Frank speaks from experience. While she is a clinical psychologist working in the special needs community she is also a parent of a son with Down syndrome. Forgiving yourself will not only make a difference in your child’s life, but it will make a significant difference in your own life, too. “Quality of life is important to a special needs family,” says Dr. Koerner-Frank. “Being the parent of a special needs child has made me a better person and a better therapist.”

Forgive that stranger

“Can’t you control your child?” You’ve probably been there: in the store checkout line with a screaming child dealing with glaring looks from strangers. When the feelings of anger can no longer be ignored, is it easier to simmer in silence or lash out at rude strangers? Or is it easier to turn the other cheek, forgive and let it go? It probably depends on which warrior parent you are speaking to.

Living under a cloud of anger or exploding by making a public scene does not enhance your quality of life. Ask yourself, is yelling at other people for thoughtless transgressions really how you want to live your life? The healthier approach is to forgive ignorant comments and let it go. Vent your feelings with a trusted family member or friend. Post the incident on a special needs group site with an understanding audience.

“Life is too short to make a big deal out of it,” chimes in special needs parent Camille Gaughan of Carmel, Indiana.  When it comes into conversation, Gaughan explains her 11-year-old daughter’s mitochondrial disease in a very matter-of-fact way. Similar to muscular dystrophy, her daughter’s disease leaves her unable to convert nutrients into energy resulting in her inability to balance, walk or talk. From her wheelchair she is able to communicate well with sign language and through a picture exchange system.

Forgive your friend

”Something’s come up.” It is hard to see relationships change. Someone who was once a close friend can drift away for many reasons. Feeling dismissed or “dodged” by a friend brings on feelings of sadness, anger, and hurtfulness. Trying to put yourself in your friend’s shoes might help. For whatever reasons, your friend might feel he or she cannot support you emotionally.

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